Reality

I'm sorry if this makes you gag, but.... I keep having the Katy Perry song "Wide Awake" run in my head. Not because I think she is a musical genius, but the song has a way of sticking with you on repeat, and one of the lyric lines I like is 'I'm wide awake, yeah I am born again, out of the lions den...'  No clue if she is a Christian, but this song fits very well with waking up to the reality of the schemes of satan, the world, flesh.

So, know that Katy Perry is the background music in my head to this post :) 

I want to be in a place where I can see things clearly, for what they really are, and accept life on life's terms. Does anyone else have trouble balancing between hope, which is excellent, and acceptance of the present? I don't mean to be so "all or nothing", but it is something I struggle with. I feel like to really accept the here and now, I have to let go of believing it is about to change.  An example: my jaw surgery.  I know when I pray for my jaw to unlock, I ask God in full belief of His ability to do it, and that it will be done. Yet still knowing it might not be done, because it might not be His will. But still hoping it will be done. There is an anxiety that comes in me when I think about hoping it will be done, because, shocker, I then get my hopes up, and if it doesn't happen, I am dissapointed. Can I alleviate the dissapointment later by accepting the reality now, and not get my hopes up?  Does hoping God will do something mean something other than "getting my hopes up"?  I have been told many times to not come into an experience with others with expectations to things in life, but yet we are to come not only with expectations, but with full belief in them when presenting requests to God.    Right? 

I don't know the answer.  I don't know that I ever will know the answer.   Here is what I know.  #1- I 100% believe God CAN open my jaw.  #2- I 100% believe whatever the outcome, it is for my best.   #3- I 100% believe I, as a human on earth, might not get the privilege of understanding how His decision was my best.   #4- I 100% believe in His character, that He is love.

So, am I hopeful of the jaw openning? Honestly I'm not sure. I could say, yes I hope it opens but I'm not betting on it.  Is that a lack of faith?  I have a feeling that it will not open, and I am in full acceptance of the pending surgery.   Would I be elated if it were to open? YES. And thankful for that gift.        Is what I just said inconsistent with the faith of Abraham?